God simply does Not Care!
If Source/the Universe/the Cosmos is All Things and is Experiencing Itself as All things and .. loves everything without conditions….because IT IS All things… then Source, All That Is really DOES NOT CARE if I am filled with joy, sorrow, pain, anger, remorse, regret, excitement… because IT is here to EXPERIENCE ALL THINGS in ALL WAYS … There is no right, wrong, good, bad, acceptable and unacceptable … there is only CHOICE and the FREEDOM of Choice.
God simply does Not care Who I Choose to be!
If I am ill, God/the Universe does not “care”. Being ill is not right, wrong, good, bad… IT JUST FRIGGING … IS! I might not enjoy it and so I can CHOOSE Wellness, because I have the FREEDOM to do so. However the Universe is not inspiring me to BE ANYTHING other than Authentically WHO and WHAT I DESIRE and that is all!! I can choose to be a thief, a dancer, an electrician or a movie star. God does not frigging care!
There are people who make lots of money doing things I would never “choose” to do, some legal, some not. Many are successful creating millions of dollars and they are very happy doing it! If the Cosmos does live from this place of Unconditionality, then IT has no judgements one way or another. It is only our Human minds which have separated and segregated everything out and we continue to do so, going from being ingrained in our religions of choice, to being Ingrained in our Spirituality of choice! Not much difference, except before this moment, I used to “think” I was making “better” choices!
Up until this moment, I had been “taught” God wants what is “best” for each of us. God wants our joy and happiness and bliss! I have taught these things myself. Yet how could this Be from a place of UNCONDITIONALITY? Because, if God/the Cosmos does want what is “best” for me, then I am creating God as “taking sides”, having bias, seeing what is not good for me and what is good for me. Puts me right back into judgement again!
In this lifetime, if I was forced into a war, I might die, because I could not take a gun and shoot someone. Not a “choice” I would desire to make. In other lifetimes and other places, I imagine I might have. Not right or wrong…just Me here right now.
I have spent the last 20 years of my life attempting to “be more spiritual” and to “be more loving” and to “be my authentic, loving, self”. I have had LOTS of ideas about what that looked like until this moment. Because in reality, each of those preconditioned thoughts takes me AWAY from the present moment and who I am Being right now!
I have practiced LOVING WHAT IS in order to become that naturally, like breathing…. when in reality, this very practice has kept me from FEELING MY FEELINGS in every moment!! Instead, it has helped me store away my anger, sadness, regrets, desires, pain, judgments, because I felt I needed to embrace them all as they arose. Now I can FEEL and EXPERIENCE them fully and embracing and accepting they are a part of me just like everything else! Allowing myself to be Alive in the Moment, instead of just creating yet another “system” in which to live, which prevents me from being REAL all the time!
AUTHENTICITY cannot be taught. I needs to be LIVED 24/7. A feeling arises and I LIVE it, authentically experiencing it fully, and then I can just release it and go onto the next moment. There is no need to quantify it, judge it, love it, bless it, make it out to be anything OTHER than what it IS. A feeling!
On one hand I believe I am so much more than I could ever imagine I am, and… yet, I am also not less either … because I am not living there right now …… because THAT is only yet another CONCEPT existing in my “preconditioned mind” attempting to make “some sense” out of life. There is No either/or…there only IS… Here right now, breathing and taking in and experiencing my moments and making CHOICES, having the FREEDOM to do so. Making choices, feeling and EXPERIENCING my moments and whatever they bring and onto the next. Free of the “thoughts” that somehow it needs to Be Different because of childhood indoctrinations, or even my spiritual programming. ALL IS WELL IN THE WORLD when seen through the eyes of UNCONDITIONALITY.
Perhaps the real FREEDOM of the Universe/God/Cosmos lies in our ability to FULLY EXPERIENCE and EXPRESS ourselves without judgment, longing, weighing the right and wrong of every action we have ever done or will do? Perhaps THIS is the ONLY place from which “I” can really make CLEAR and HONEST choices? Free of all the Bias my life indoctrination, society, culture, media, schooling,classes,teachers, etc. have taught me.
I can still LIVE my life and do so from a place that says.. I DON’T CARE what others think about me. I DON’T CARE if I am loved and accepted and cherished by other people or not. I DON’T CARE because I am making my own Conscious Clear Choices about what Inspires ME right now. In doing so, I can also give others the Freedom to do the same. Then when we come together in a relationship, or friendship, at work, in an organizations, the connections can be more authentically driven by our inner guidance and not by some outside, artificial indoctrination where we were taught words into which we put all of life, sorted into categories and subjects and values which are based on what our eyes can see, and our hearts barely ever touched.
Love can be excruciatingly painful as much as it can be ecstasy and bliss. Pain can be an exhilarating experience in which a formerly numb person becomes alive again. Many people love the bitter taste of coffee or dislike the overly sweet taste of Baklava. There is so much in life I have been missing, still attempting to be “the light” or to be “more grateful” or whatever the latest lesson and fad has become. Only when I truly willing to LET GO of Everything I have ever learned, been taught, absorbed, indoctrinated in, can I begin to Live my Own life Authentically and giving myself the Freedom to make the Choices “I” desire.This “might be” The Key I have been missing all along.
© Morgine Jurdan