My Journey to Freedom
Then Inside Out Revolution …
My journey to FREEDOM …….. by Morgine
At one time, I so Yearned to Be unconditional love, not knowing I already was that. Years and years of reading, classes, processes attempting to “be love”, kept me at arms length away from surrendering into that which I already was by my very nature. Something we all are.
At one time I so Yearned to learn how to just BE and the more processes I tried, the more I practiced, took classes, the further away I was. Because “all this work” was in total opposition to to just breathing and watching a hummingbird outside my window without thinking about other things. Being was something which happened as naturally as my breathing and not something I could “strive for” and learn how “to do”.
At one time, I YEARNED IMMENSELY to “be at One with God/Source/All That Is. This very desire kept me in a state of “deep yearning” and again taking more classes, reading, practicing, meditating more. Yet being at One with Source is an act of surrendering into Life itself, free of any attempt to do so. It is like letting go of the river bank and trusting I will float with the river where I need to go. Life happens every day, regardless of what “I do or do not do”. Life does not stop for me. It just IS …. all that IS, and I am in it, flowing, …or attempting to Hold onto Something. Its like me trying to control the river’s flow or stop the sun from shining!
I have been attempting to “be happier” for years now! I play music, take a walk outside, do things I love, “thinking” this will help me “be happy”! While Happiness is also… my Natural state of Being. Michael Neill, Byron Katie, others explain this again and again. Most babies are born happy. Most adults Love holding young babies and being around small, smiling children who are FREE of thoughts, beliefs, concepts. They smile, laugh and are being led by their inner wisdom, judging nothing, embracing everything as it is!
One day parents start teaching them, this is up and this is down, light, dark. In the process the child also hears: “No wrong! That is Up! No that is wrong, that is light!” And so it goes. The child learns first of all, she/he is “wrong” and then all the other things about the good things and bad things, the right things and wrong things. Very soon, the innate happiness is buried, covered up with the thoughts and beliefs others force feed them as to what most adults insist… “is simply true”. The innate happiness and wisdom still exist, however, are covered over by all these thoughts and beliefs which are… merely Illusions human beings have created themselves for eternity.
There is NO proof about any of it. Even science is changing its ideas about how life works from day to day. Years ago, when five scientists all shared a big microscope while watching quarks, they found these microscopic beings RESPONDED DIFFERENTLY to each scientist as they took turns looking through the lens. This gave Evidence that Possibly, every scientific experiment ever carried out, was greatly Affected by the Thoughts and Beliefs of the scientists performing the experiments! Which thoughts were seeded into each scientist’s mind as a young child which became the beliefs by which they live and are totally unaware are guiding their lives? How much of science IS “really True” and not merely a figment of our great imaginations? Do we really know anything “for sure”?
Does time exist really? We have no proof it does. I cannot prove what I did yesterday. It is merely thoughts I “think” I remember. If I was in a room with several people sharing my life, they would have similar and also very different experiences of their own yesterday and what happened between me and them. Our ideas, thoughts and perspectives change all the time, so what we “think happened” yesterday or when we were ten, seen through new eyes, might have a totally different story line today. We are continually creating stories with our changing thoughts and beliefs.
My personal life is getting easier and easier the more I surrender into the flow of life lived from the inside out. Becoming more aware when I am giving power to a thought I have no idea whether is true or not! Do I desire to lose weight because I want to be accepted, love my body more, impress my friends, achieve a goal, feel successful? Or might it just be fun to weigh less than I do?
What do I want if I knew I didn’t have to be unhappy without getting it? Oh that would be cool if I could…, or if I had …, of if I was able to … . How often am I wanting without being attached to the outcome? It is that attachment to the thought, which creates the unhappiness and not whether I get something or not. Happiness IS my innate state of Being and not something I acquire in other ways by doing something or having something. It simply ARISES from within me when I am not struggling to be, do, or get something. When I Stop attempting to CONTROL Life.
Inner Wisdom is something we ALL have. We come prepackaged with it, like breathing, happiness, our physical bodies which need no training manual. When I am driving to town appreciating nature and its beauty, wisdom bubbles up on its own, without any effort or thinking on my part. Answers to questions, ideas, miracles happen. When I am walking with my dog, resting on the lawn, listening to music. Most often when I am just naturally “being”. It IS as Natural as that.
My own personal challenge all these decades, has been working from the “outside in”. Endless reading of books, taking classes, audios and so on, which I did, because I “thought” I needed to do them. I was being a “victim” of my Thinking. I was allowing my Mind (which “thinks” it can Control Life and therefore help me achieve and live my dreams), to help me find…. “the right thing to Do” to get me there.
And so my Mind is on this endless journey, totally addicted to the Belief that… the most Important things I need to know exist outside of me. Yet, how can someone else have “the answer” to my unique, individual life, only I am living, from my own personal perspective, which changes from one unique moment to the next??
Thinking has become a very ingrained and addictive habit I am becoming more “aware” of and consciously choosing to release again and again and again, when I realize, as Michael Neill tell us, “You are living in the feeling of your thinking.”
It often takes people days or years to understand this sentence. One client could not even read it for two days, although she did try several times. Most often I am a “victim” of my thinking. I don’t even ask, as Byron Katie suggests, “Is it true? Can you absolutely know that it is true? How do you react, when this happens, when you believe this thought? Who would you be without this thought?”
Instead what I am experiencing in every moment, what I am feeling most of the times, is the RESULT of what I am actually Thinking at that time. When all that thinking is not going on, like when I am driving, walking my dog, sitting enjoying the sun, then I am just “naturally happy and at peace and if I need to know something, I will hear or feel my guidance. Its effortless. As natural as breathing.
We can each be a brilliant coach for each other when we come from this place. From this place where we feel most comfortably ourselves. That place where we know who we are, like in the situations above. When we are fully and completely present for another, as if we were taking in and savoring the most beautiful sunset we had ever seen in our lives, or eating the most delicious food we had ever, ever tasted, or were staring into the eyes of our Beloved. From this quiet place of presence, totally free of any ideas, processes, fears, doubts… From this place, whatever we need to say simply bubbles up on its own! From that magical place, which holds ALL the Wisdom there ever was, is, or will be! The place from which we came, go back into again and again, and re emerge from. We are it ALL … already.
There is no need to seek that which I already AM here and now. I only need release again and again, all those thoughts which hold me hostage to the illusions which keep me separated from all that I am, playing small, being held victim to the thoughts and beliefs permeating everything around me, all the time.
The greatest Gift I can give myself and the World, is to step OUT of the chaos which exists in the outside world, and step back INTO the Peace which always resides Within. HERE lies ALL the answers to the world I want to create for Myself and others. It only takes one moment to truly look at the world as it exists right now and REALIZE, working so hard to find the answers outside ourselves has resulted in pain, struggle and chaos. It has not resulted in the world we all so want to manifest.
I want to manifest a New World and it begins within me, where All the Wisdom I need to begin, has always been and will always be…INSIDE of ME….endlessly, here and now, and forever more. Living my life from the Inside Out, not as a goal. Only as a bi product of relaxing more into my daily life and Trusting what I need to know I have access to and will be provided at the exact moment I need it. Maybe through gazing at a flower, petting my dog, looking at the moon, talking to a stranger. Who knows. I merely Trust that all I need to know from now on, is coming to me, because I am both the giver and the receiver and I know whatever I need to know at the perfect moment. I am that I am and more peaceful about it all the time.
Loving Life. Loving Me. Loving Each of You! Morgine