by what measure

by what measure do i
judge my life
what gauges am i using
turning up down
and around
defining myself
my qualities and faults
whose mind
is wound so intimately in mine
they can define me
where is the freedom in this
whose kiss of death
am i making my own
whose throne do i sit upon
or fall from
whose time has come
to let it go
do I know myself
beyond a world
which created me
in its own image

am i confined by words
which are not mine
a language
definitions created
inside another place and time
ages ago
defining me as if
i belong to it
and it to me
I long to be free

who can i be
in a sea of cultures
the din of societal norms
conformity shaping me
pleasing to whose eye
who binds me in chains
rearranging those lines
defining me through their own
their points of view
the hue through which I am always seen

there is no longer any space
for me to strip naked
stand in my uniqueness
shine me
for the world to see
the glasses of history
of ages
have thick
scratched lenses
they see only
what they choose to see
and me
I am imprisoned in their views
unless I choose
to release them

what does my size
have to do with anything at all
whose call is it
to press me into their boxes
lazy obese unhealthy sick
uncaring out of control
unfit for what

my playing small
all came to be
because i was not being me
seen naked
authentically free
i covered up my heart
with those banners and badges
deeply into my skin
pretending and living
other people’s standards
their judgments
becoming my own prison
living their visions
as my own
feeling all alone
home inside
someone else’s house

the mouse
eating away the lies
clearing my eyes
no one’s else’s truth
is my own
my home is mine alone
one of a kind original
each piece of life
a blade of grass, a leaf
a snowflake, a human being
never to be repeated
never the same
what game have I been playing
allowing letters upon a page
someone else’s rage
to steal the joy
of my own preciousness
which is mine alone
to own
and cherish

a new day
sun sparkles upon the waves
i am here to play
as me
who shall I be
free in this moment
to choose
my own way
washing away the stains
of others’ dreams
for me
removing tattoos
uncovering a radiance
only I can share
bare naked and free
me being me
free at last
© Morgine Jurdan 8/24/2011

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